I have many names to many people; even I am confused.
God, I can hear my heart beating! I can't sit well with what was on my mind.
A butterfly corsage is pinned on my shirt. As I look at it now I am convinced that it is alive, fluttering its wings. That's how uneasy I am having a devil inside my head. Yes, it is not the first time I am tempted but is the first time that the temptation seems the only right thing to do. Arggh, how things fall into place and how they tell me that I give in to temptation is giving me a heart attack.
Dear heart of mine is having a battle of its own. I don't know how many chambers are in favor of giving in to temptation yet I am sure that at least one of the four wants me to. Oh, my mind is a battlefield as well with cortexes debating what is right if there is indeed a right thing to do. Maybe, afterall, I am wrong being in this situation in the first place. Or was it I was wrong to believe that I ever had a choice and freedom to give in to temptation knowing that I will lose everything in the end?
Are these the same questions dazed and confused girls asks? I never can tell because I am dazed and confused.
when was the last time your boyfriend appreciated you? i don't even remember when that was. i am not even aware if he knows i exist. harsh words that eventually will go back my way. yeah, i know, i say things that i know will cause a squabble eventually. the hell do i care about it.it meaning all the bickering that is to come. better than condemn my already damned soul into the depths of eternal muteness.
am already plotting to put up an organization of girlfriends, spouses, partners “uncared for” just because the other half is “so busy” with the playstation, x-box, etc…
narrow-mindedness as he says. yes, i am guilty; i do not contest any of that. what i feel is what i am made of. what can i do if i can’t detach myself from any of it? i am human; you can’t stop me from being one.
blame it on george orwell or maybe on the chemical disparity i am into now. read darling, read; read george orwell’s 1984 so we may come into terms on some matter. perhaps, you may even get to know why i feel annoyed lately. the chemical imbalance is nothing but a shitty excuse but true. i’m a woman with a lot of issues but that doesn’t make me any less human.
damn. i say things just because you ignored me.
i would walk a thousand miles and i would walk a thousand more just to be with the man who never walks away on me.
the sea is inviting me. sun is at her aid. it is freaking hot here in dumaguete and the sea is right across the street of the hotel i'm staying in. to beat the sun burning your already dehydrated body what else can you think of doing?
the bad news is i have to work. 
He called me yesterday, asking how I was and making sure everything is doing fine with me. I know that he knows that I get bored easily especially when I am all by myself. I was glad he did call me though honestly I am not at all bored the other day, yesterday, today and neither will I feel I will get bored for the coming days. I am sure he realizes that too. Never would he tire of doing this for me is all I hope for. I know as well that his schedule is as tight as it can be and so I feel really, really, really important to him. He is much important to me. This is why I am here, having fun and enjoying though by myself. He told me once, "I would not be proud and happy as well if you, by yourself, feel insecure, unhappy and not enjoying when there are a lot of reasons to. I would not be by your side always but I want you to be happy always."
*by November I would be out of Manila the whole month. He said he would try to fly in to wherever I may be. Now, this is another story. 
i miss everyone from manila. i don't know what to say. maybe its because i left my heart, mind and soul in manila.
i am but tired.
I'm Iloilo right now, typing my blog inside the business center of the hotel I am staying in. Everything is well so far...hmmm, may be that's an understatement. Three days here and I've been getting free lunches and dinners care of the people I meet here. Now, I am waiting for someone to take me around so I can do my job - talk to schools, execute a program in there and commence a long-term relationship with their school and with our company and as well as the telecoms company we are partnering with. I assume he would treat me again for lunch. Everybody does. Heck, I am bothered now if I am really selling our company well. I guess it was I who I was selling myself. hahaha! I was trying to learn Ilonggo in three days and man, I telll you it is hard! hahaha I met Chinese-Ilonggo people here and I was amazed by how fluent they speak English, Chinese and Ilonggo fluently. Hmmm...he's here now. I guess I'll write another time.
i am going somewhere i have never been ALONE!
i don't know what to feel.
i need an angel.
there are butterflies in my stomach - lots of them. i am really nervous over the stuffs i've been putting together for the past months. a week to go before everything takes place.
i am neck-deep buried in work loads and yet i find myself blogging. in fact, i want to write something long; long enough to consume the remaining 7 days blogging my heart out. sheesh, i am thinking of writing about people; people i know, people who knows me and people who i wish remembers me.
eeeeersh! i make weird sounds when i am nervous. i make even weirder routes to work when i am feeling like i am now. earlier, off to work, i rode the mrt, took off at ayala ave and walked around greenbelt before i sashayed back to my office. it took me 30 minutes to walk around while it took me only 30 steps to realize that i gonna have to do this thing everyday.
ahhhh, the things i do when i am stilted. grrrrrr
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